The Pain of Mourning
by eljebelja
Summary: Apple Bloom acquiring her cutie mark reopens a dark hole in Applejack's heart.


"Ah can't believe Ah finally got mah cutie mark!"

Apple Bloom spun around, staring at the colorful mark on her flank. Her eyes shone with happiness and she bounced up and down excitedly. "An' mah friends 'n' Ah all got the same cutie mark! How cool is that?!"

Applejack sat on the couch, watching her sister cheer blissfully. Big Macintosh and Granny Smith stood in the center of the room.

"Ahh, now all mah amazin' grandfillies all have their cutie marks!" Granny Smith bubbled, turning her head to look at Big Mac. "Ain't it great, Big Mac?"

"Eeyup!" He agreed, nodding his head happily.

"Oh, Ah've waited years fer this moment, 'n' mah mark is better than Ah could ever have imagined!" Apple Bloom cheered. "Do you like it, big sis?"

"Of course Ah do," Applejack murmured softly, her gaze calm. "It's beautiful. Ah couldn't be prouder of you."

It had been a long, rewarding day. By helping Diamond Tiara redeem herself and make friends, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetiebelle all got their cutie marks after trying to get them for so long. Pinkie Pie had thrown them a huge cute-ceañera and they spent the whole day celebrating. Applejack had never seen her sister so happy, and she was happy for her, but her sister's achievement had reopened a dark hole in her she had been trying for so long to seal.

Getting up, she let out a long sigh. "Ah'm gonna go fer a walk 'round the orchard," she said wearily.

Apple Bloom gave her a quizzical look. "But ain't ya gonna celebrate a bit more with us?" She asked. Applejack forced a chuckle and walked up to her, ruffling her dark red mane.

"We can celebrate plenty more tomorrow sugarcube, but Ah really got to go out 'n' stretch mah legs 'n' get some fresh air." She responded.

"Alright, Applejack, be safe, will ya?" Granny Smith smiled. Applejack tipped her hat and walked out the door.

The night was dark. Bright stars dotted the night sky. The air was bitterly cool, and a chilly breeze rustled the branches of the apple trees. Applejack took a deep breath and headed out into the orchard.

Crickets chirped and cicadas sang. A lone owl hooted in the distance. It was a peaceful night, but Applejack couldn't fight the darkness inside of her. Her heart ached, as if somepony was driving a knife into it. She dragged her hooves, not having enough energy to life them above the ground. She stared at the path in front of her, her ears flat against her head.

Up ahead was a large apple tree. Its trunk was thick, its roots twisted and knotted. Although fall was quickly approaching, the leaves were still a dark green, the apples still big and ripe.

Applejack stopped in front of it, craning her neck to look up at the branches. "This is where you taught me to apple buck," she whispered to herself. "'N' where the four of us used to have picnics, 'n' where you gave me yer hat." She places a hoof on the brown cowboy hat on her head. "Ah still have it on, ya see? It didn't fit me then, but it fits me now like a glove." She took a deep breath. "Apple Bloom got her cutie mark today. Did ya see that?" She chuckled sadly. "She spent so long tryin' to get it… She tried so many things, 'n' Ah admit, some were pretty silly. But she finally has it! An' oh mah, she's as happy as a lark. If only you were here to see it…"

A single tear escaped and rolled down her cheek, matting her fur. A shiver ran up her spine and her entire body trembled. She let out a whimper and more tears flowed from her eyes.

"Darling?"

Applejack's head shot up, her eyes puffy but wide. She tilted her ears back to receive the voice better.

"Applejack, are you here?"

The orange pony sighed and swiveled her head to see Rarity trotting up to her, her expression worrisome. "Applejack!" she shouted. "Granny Smith said you'd be out here."

"Oh, did she?" Applejack murmured, her voice low and melancholic. Rarity stopped in front of her, seeing the wet fur on her face.

"Oh my Celestia, Applejack!" Rarity's voice was edged with sympathy. "You've been crying! What's the matter, darling?"

Applejack didn't respond- just stared at her with sad green eyes.

Rarity sat next to her, placing a hoof on her back and rubbing it affectionately. "Our little sisters finally got their cutie marks. Isn't that something to celebrate?" She asked. Applejack shrugged, and Rarity got the message. "I see… is that what triggered this?"

"Yeah," Applejack replied. "They would've been so happy fer Apple Bloom. Ah'd give anythin' to have them here with us, even if it were jus' fer today. Ah know that would be the world to Apple Bloom. She hardly knew them." She turned her gaze back to the large tree. She reached out and touched the rough bark with her hoof, paying extra attention to the deep grooves in it. Her leg shook. "We used to spend time together here all the time. Mom, dad, Big Mac, Ah 'n' Apple Bloom when she was jus' a little baby."

Rarity sighed, gazing at her friend sadly. "You were really close, weren't you?"

"Of course we were," Applejack responded coldly. "They were mah parents."

"I guess I've never really known that closeness with my parents," Rarity frowned. "Sometimes they can bug me."

Applejack shot her a dirty look, seething with rage. Her eyes were a smoldering green fire. "At least you have parents!" She spat. "Mine are _dead_!"

Rarity jumped back, surprised and ashamed of herself. "Applejack, that's not what I meant at all!" She wailed desperately. "I just meant-"

A long, ominous howl sounded in the distance. The fur along Applejack's spine stood up and she leapt to her feet, a look of panic in her eyes. Her breath came out in short, shallow gasps. Rarity had never seen her more terrified in her life.

Scared, Rarity put her hoof on Applejack's shoulder again, signaling her to calm down. "Applejack, what is it?" She begged. "Why are you so scared?"

That moment, Applejack's fear disappeared, but it was replaced by anger. She let out a cry of despair and leaned on her front legs, lashing out and kicking the tree as hard as she could, bruising the trunk. "Timberwolves!" she roared in fury. "They're responsible for this!"

"W-what?" Rarity stammered.

Applejack looked back at her angrily. "Timberwolves! They're the ones! They killed mah parents!"

"T-timberwolves?" Rarity asked. "I-I guess I never knew how your parents died…"

Tears started to trickle down her face again. She avoided Rarity's blue gaze. "Yes…" she started. "When Ah was jus' a filly… Apple Bloom was only a baby. Mah parents went into the Everfree Forest… They never came back out. We knew it was Timberwolves because we went lookin' fer them a few days afterwards, and we found mah father's bandana covered in blood near one of their dens… 'N' that's why Ah hate Timberwolves." She peeled her lips, exposing her teeth in an angry snarl. "Ah _hate_ them."

Rarity gazed at her sympathetically, but one thing confused her. "Applejack…" she started gently. "I don't mean to sound rude, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I'm just a little confused… You've never seemed scared of Timberwolves before. When you fought them off to save Spike, and almost got eaten by them, you didn't seem frightened… you were angry… Why is that? Why are you scared now, but not then?"

Applejack let out a huff, flattening her ears to her head angrily. For a moment, Rarity was afraid she had said the wrong thing, but Applejack continued to tell her anyway. "Ah'm scared of them now, because… well, Ah hate to admit it, but Ah'm pretty vulnerable right now. But when Ah'm face to face with them…" she paused a bit, biting her lip before continuing. "Ah can't show them mah fear. Ah can show them how scared Ah am of them. Ah can't show weakness. Ah have to show them mah anger, my complete, utter disgust fer them. Ah have to show them how furious Ah am at them fer killin' mah parents. Ah can't show them fear." She looked away, her fur bristling with anger. She clenched her teeth, her eyes narrowed.

Rarity didn't know what to say. She knew her friend was sad about her parents' deaths, but she had no idea she was suffering as much as she was. Rarity was so used to seeing Applejack happy and positive, but now she realized just how much her friend was hurting. It broke her heart.

She placed her hoof back on Applejack's shoulder, and she felt the orange pony's muscles relax under her skin. Applejack let her head hang low and she wiped her wet nose on her hoof.

"Ah'm sorry you have to see me like this," she sniffled.

Rarity stared at her, surprised. "Applejack!" she cried. "There's no need to apologize! You're struggling, and I want to be there to help you!"

Applejack smiled faintly. "Thank you, Rarity," she said. "You're truly the greatest friend a pony could ask for."

"Of course, darling," Rarity responded sweetly.

The two ponies sat silently for a moment. Applejack continued to stare at the ground, Rarity's hoof resting gently on her shoulder. A bitter wind ruffled their fur and sent shivers down their spines. Dead leaves scattered on the ground below them, and a lone owl hooted in the distance.

Applejack took a deep breath and lifted her head. "Ah'd like to visit their graves."

"I beg your pardon?" Rarity asked, tilting her head.

"Ah haven't been to their graves in a long time," she murmured. "Ah think now is time."

Rarity nodded slowly, keeping her eyes on Applejack. She hadn't been to Applejack's parents' graves before. If they were eaten by Timberwolves, Rarity guess their bodies weren't in the graves, but she definitely was not going to ask Applejack in fear of being disrespectful and distressing her more.

Applejack looked over at her. "Are you comin' with? You don't have to if ya don't want to…" Rarity could sense the sorrow in her voice, and she could tell that Applejack needed her to be there with her.

"I'm not letting you go by yourself, not like this," Rarity responded. Applejack cracked a small smile and her gaze shifted to the woods.

"Their graves are out there," she informed. Her legs shaky, she slowly stood up and started to trudge into the woods. Rarity sauntered close behind. They left the clearing and it grew darker, the sky obscured by the canopy of apple trees. Everything looked the same to Rarity, but Applejack seemed to know where she was going. Her ears were pricked, scoping out any strange noises. She seemed to be on high alert. Rarity guessed she was listening for Timberwolves, although she never heard of them venturing out into the orchard.

They reached the end of the orchard. There was a small hill. On top of the hill stood two gravestones. The moon shone on them, turning the gray stone to a milky white color. Applejack froze.

After a few minutes, Applejack started to head to the top of the hill, Rarity following her. They got to the graves, and Rarity inspected them. They had Applejack's parents' names on them, their birth and death dates, and "May our love last until eternity" written on them. Rarity admitted to herself, she had never seen more beautiful gravestones in her life.

Applejack walked up to them and touched them gently with her hoof. Her ears flattened against her head and she closed her eyes. She let out a sigh, and started to talk to them. "Mom, dad… Ah love you, 'n' Ah hope you're doin' well. Not a day goes by when Ah don't think of y'all. Ah jus' wish you were here with me. I miss you so much…"

She heaved and collapsed on the ground. Tears streamed from her eyes. Her breaths came out in short, loud sobs. Her entire body trembled. Snot drooled from her nose, and she covered her face with her hooves. She blubbered uncontrollably, screaming and grieving. Applejack had never seen a pony so dismal in her entire life.

Not knowing what to do, Rarity laid on the ground next to her, placing an arm around Applejack. She gave her a tight squeeze, and Applejack's crying partially subsided. She uncovered her face and looked at Rarity. Her nose was wet, her eyes red, and the fur on her face was matted.

"Rarity…" She started.

"Shh now, darling. Just rest." Rarity soothed. Applejack rested her chin on her hooves, her chest rising and falling with her labored breathing, tears rolling down her cheeks. Rarity closed her eyes too, her heart aching for her mourning friend.

And there they laid. Underneath the night sky, with the bright moon and twinkling stars. The graves stood before them, and the grass beneath them was soft. There was a cool breeze that played with their manes. It was a depressing night, heartache weighing like a lid on the two ponies. However, it was tinged with a bittersweetness, with love and friendship. In a way, it was quite peaceful.


End file.
